4/28/07 11:30 p.m.

Yesterday and today both went okay. There were ups and downs to both days. We had therapy yesterday and it went well. We got some great news that Josh's wheelchair (the one we have been so anxious to receive) will either be here next Friday or the following Monday. This would be at least a week early which is encouraging. Kristy worked on Josh's power chair yesterday and got it a little more situated for him and we have had no problems today- praise God!

Josh went to a program today called Bikes for the Rest of Us. It is an organization of some sort that works at getting people with disabilities into a bike. Josh did not really want to go but I really encouraged him to check it out. He got a few ideas but he is still not sure what he is wanting. He did like these hand guards that hold his hands onto the handlebars and he doesn't have to have them Aced on like before. The problem was that he did not try a bike that leaned back far enough and he kept falling forward. Once again, he was frustrated. We did find out that it would be wise for him to wait until he is sure of what he wants before we look into ordering one. This organization would assist in purchasing a bike one time and we surely do not want to buy the wrong one.

The Syswerda clan had a baby shower for me and it was very nice. We got some nice gifts and some adorable clothes. It was nice to get away, if only for a few hours. We did run into some problems this morning before we left when we realized a very minor detail that had been forgotten (really I had forgotten). I had a babysitter for the kids today while I was going to be gone. I also had something set up for Josh to be brought to MFB for the bikes program that fell through. I then realized that I did not only need to get Josh a ride to the program but also someone who could be with him until I got home. This whole time I never thought about the fact that if I am not going to be home, I need 2 different caregivers. A little overwhelming. Our lives have changed so much over the last 3 and a half months and my brain cannot keep up. It's like I keep remembering all these things that need to be done but somehow I can't seem to get it all done. I'm sure we will continue to get to a more regular schedule but right now, it's a bit nuts.

Josh continues to be a bit cold, but not as bad as it has been. His spasms are still pretty rough but a bit better. We continue to push the water so that we can flush whatever infection seems to be happening. He did finally admit today that he seems to be fighting something. For Josh, this is quite an accomplishment!

As I said we have had numerous ups and downs over the past 2 days. Realizing how much has changed, how little control I have over everything that seems to be happening and all the help we need is very humbling. To know without a doubt that I could never do this without God and without the help of others is... I don't know, just hard. When you are calling everyone on your cell phone to see if someone can come and sit with your husband so that you can leave is just not how you imagine your life going.  Please continue to pray for us as we try to adjust to our new life here at home, especially on the tough days! We appreciate you all more than words can say!!!!!!!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING

-Emotional, physical, and mental stability in this time of getting used to our new life

-Josh's triceps and fingers

4/26/07 10:00 p.m.

Praise God, Josh is starting to feel better! He is drinking crazy amounts of fluid in case he is starting to get an infection of some sort. He took a long nap and got warm with a heater we now have in our room. I am shocked that it can be hot in our room and he is still chattering cold! As of now at 10:00, he is feeling a little better and acting like he felt fine yesterday. Such a guy! :-)

Today was very uneventful with no big plans. My mom and sister came over and helped get ready for Ephram to arrive sometime in the next month and a half. We are getting excited to have a baby around again, and both Noah and Zoe keep asking how many sleeps til' Ephram comes home?

We spent some time today trying to problem shoot Josh's power chair he is using right now. He has been having issues with it, not feeling like he is in it right and today, if he did not have his seatbelt on, he would have fallen out the side. We are a little concerned about the safety factor. We will have a chance to have Kristy look at it tomorrow to give us any hints with it. It's very frustrating for Josh to feel like the chair he has to get around in is not working well for him.  Please be praying for this situation tomorrow as we try to figure out what we can do about it.

The four of us were home for a few hours, all alone, tonight. The kids were very well-behaved and it was nice to have that time together. It is exhausting to try and keep up with everyone and everything but we had a nice time. We had pizza together and the four of us watched "Jakers" on PBS. Both kids had fun.

We have a busy week coming up. Josh and I are going through the plans and deciding what is necessary and what is not. We want to conserve the energy he has and not wear him out on unnecessary activities, even if it sounds okay at the time.  Josh has a tendency to think we can do a lot until the time gets close and then gets a bit overwhelmed. That's what we are trying to avoid. We don't want him to get overworked too fast, I'm sure that will come with time! :-)

Please continue to pray for us as a family. Everything is a lot of extra work right now as we get used to new chairs, new beds, new lifts and slings etc. It is already starting to get a bit easier and know that practice will definitely help the situation. Pray that my patience level is adequate for what we are experiencing. There are times when I get so tired I am not fair to all around me. The kids need a mommy who is understanding and loving, not short and frustrated. Josh needs a wife who is willing to do all the things he needs help with. He also needs me to be the wife he married, not just his caregiver. We are trying to find that happy medium.

That's all for tonight. Hopefully we are heading off to bed soon. :-) This momma is tired!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING OF JOSH'S BODY

-Stability in our home

-Josh's wheelchair

4/25/07 9:00 p.m.

Please start praying for Josh. He has been in bed since about 7:30 tonight, not feeling good. The last day and a half have been a struggle for him because he is so cold. One of the side effects of a spinal cord injury is your internal temperature control does not work right, or maybe it's your brain that doesn't perceive it right. Either way, he has had temperature issues the last day and a half. It does not seem to matter how warm his body feels to me or how warm the room is, his teeth continue to chatter. Because he feels so cold, his muscles keep tensing up which makes for some very sore muscles. It is difficult to maneuver his body because his muscles keep spasming and acting up. It has gotten pretty frustrating for Josh.  He has been difficult to comfort tonight and easily getting upset. We are almost hoping that he is getting sick or something of the sort so that there is a reason for  what is going on. He really needs pray for both the physical issues but also for the emotional struggles.

On another note, we went back to MFB today for therapy. Josh worked on trying to push a completely manual wheelchair. This is the type of chair that a paraplegic would normally use, not Josh with a quadriplegic injury. He pushed it about 300 feet and was able to turn some corners which is much more difficult than pushing in a straight line. We also worked on using a slide board to slide around while sitting up on the edge of a mat table.  It is very hard work but it is nice for him to feel challenged. For occupational therapy, Josh worked at picking up different objects using his tinodisis. That's where he uses his wrist flexors to bring his thumb and forefinger together. He was being timed on how many small wooden blocks he could move in one minute. They would then try and different brace on his hand and find if he could beat the last score. Josh is always up for a little competition, even if it is just with himself!

I know it's short, but I have a chance to get a few minutes of shut-eye before we start getting Josh ready for bed. I'm just hoping he's willing to stay in bed for the rest of the night and not wanting to get back up for a while. Please be praying that the sleep I do get is quality and that the Lord helps the sleep I get to be enough to get us all through the day! He is able.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!

-Josh to feel better

-more stable home life for us all

4/23/07 10:30 p.m.

Today was our first weekday home. I think it will turn out to be a typical day here at the Buck household. We woke up a few minutes before the nurse came to get Josh ready. I even had enough time to have a cup of coffee and read my Bible. Seemed like a miracle in itself. The kids got up and went straight outside in their pj's and I didn't even try and stop them. They played for a while before breakfast. Josh was ready for the day a few minutes past 9:30 which seems reasonable considering how long it takes to get him ready! We all had some toast and eggs and did a few chores around the house.

We then had a small lunch (considering breakfast was so late) and PT Kristy came over to do some problem-solving at the house. She showed me how to turn him in bed with a bit more ease and we worked on putting the sling under him while in the chair.

OT Jim was next to come and help with some more daily living difficulties. He made the refrigerator accessible to Josh which is very nice. He put some material on the remote for the lift so Josh can push the buttons while we push his body back in his wheelchair. We have to do this to get his behind (is this okay to write?) to the back of the chair so he doesn't slouch and fall out of his chair! We also worked at adding some splinting material to some glasses at home so he can try and drink on his own. It takes two hands to do this but it's possible.

My mom, sister and I spent a lot of time trying to get organized before the baby arrives. Because Zach and Rachel are living with us until August, we had to make some changes. It felt good to do a little nesting with lots of breaks in between tasks. We got quite a bit done and still have quite a bit to go.

Another thing we've been thinking about. Josh has had very poor eyesight since his was young. He has always been a contact lens wearer but has been unable to since the accident. He is stuck in his glasses that he is unable to put on by himself, clean or adjust with any ease. Most of the time when he tries to push them on his face, he smudges them so badly someone else needs to take them off and clean them. He has grown very tired of the glasses and me putting in his contacts is quite a joke. We have decided it may be worth it to pursue lasik. We did get one recommendation but maybe some of you have some suggestions of your own. My uncle referred me to his doctor, but he has not had the surgery performed yet. I would like to get a recommendation from someone who has already had the procedure done. If this is you or you know of someone, we would really appreciate the info!

Josh had, what I would consider to be, a good day. He has not had any major bouts of sadness today or major frustration. Days like today are encouraging when his spirits are level and he has the emotional energy to face the day. Please pray for continued days like this.

I am going to sign off with what was a huge encouragement to me this morning. I happened upon Romans 8 where it is talking about life through the spirit. Verses 10 and 11 state "But if Christ in in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."  These verses speak to the core of where we are at right now. The promises in these verses are more real than ever...

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING

-Josh's fingers and triceps

-Emotional and physical stability as we get used to our new life right now