3/10/07 9:45 p.m.
Josh had an outing today that was great in some ways and really hard in others. We took the kids to McDonalds's as planned and it worked very well. The kids had fun and daddy got to enjoy watching the kids. We then headed off to Brad and Sarah's house to hang out for a few hours. Being in a different setting makes both Josh and me aware of how much our life has changed over the past 7 weeks. He was feeling really frustrated on the way home of what he is not capable of doing. He hates that someone has to feed him, give him drinks, and almost everything else for him. Getting pressure relief (so he doesn't get bed sores) was very hard because he was in his chair all day and wasn't ever in bed. We realize this is the eventual goal but it made it hard. We had to put the dinner table on 4 phone books so Josh could get his legs under the table and eat. Getting into the house went quite well, leaving was another story. I won't elaborate any further but Josh is fine, just a little nerve-wracking. We end up being so protected here at MFB. Everything is set up for someone in a wheelchair and most of the people are so nobody notices anyone else in a chair. We have a lot of stairs coming our way when we go places. Going to McDonald's was an education for the other kids there as well as us. One little girl walked up to us and asked "Can he get up?" They watched us as I fed Josh and were just curious. It just makes me realize how different we look to other people than a few short months ago. After we lost Ava, I felt like such an odd ball, like everyone could look at me and see that my little girl had just died, but really people just looked at us like a family of four. We knew what we had lost but it was not physically stamped on my forehead like I felt it was. Now, we have that mark. It is obvious to everyone that we do not lead the typical life. Going out today made me realize how much help emotionally we are going to need from the Lord and how much further we have to go. Leaving Brad and Sarah's, Josh was very emotional realizing how different everything is. It is hard as a wife to know there is absolutely nothing I can do to change our situation but thankfully, we still have each other.