05-09-07 8:00 a.m.

Craziness ensues. Multiply that by about 100 and that's what my life seems right about now. We all actually had a decent nights sleep last night. Zach got Josh completely ready for bed so I never had to get up for the "getting ready for bed" process. Noah has been sick for 2 nights so he wants to sleep in mommy's twin bed which does not leave a lot of room for mommy after Noah and Ephram. I actually convinced him to sleep on the floor next to me which helped a ton! Josh slept well enough that he wasn't sure he was turned during the night and was worried- he slept right through them both! So after a decent nights sleep, hopefully we'll be having a good day.

Monday was a day of heading to therapy which was very successful. Josh picked up a piece of food with his right hand for the very first time!!!! Sounds small but we were so excited! He has been working hard on trying to pick things up and we're seeing improvements. He spent the whole hour of occupational therapy working on it and did the best he had ever done. For PT, he worked on short sitting which is where he sits on the end of a mat table with his feet over the end and then he worked on scooching (is this really a word?). He did have a decent amount of success but he was frustrated with his posture. With no muscles to hold himself up, he slouches all the time and he is starting to feel it in his back a bit. Kristy sat behind him and pulled his shoulders back to give his spine a break and he loved it!  He grew about 8 inches in the sitting position!

We then headed to the urologist to see what was going on with his catheter. They changed it out and burnt a bunch of skin around the area of his belly where the tube comes out and think they got the problem. They do believe he is fighting a urinary tract infection so we are trying to drink, drink, drink! He continued to be cold most of the day Monday but yesterday there was a significant temperature improvement!

We had core team here last night for church and we cooked out and talked church stuff. This is Josh's forte, talking church and having friends over. I don't think it gets much better than that for him! My little social butterfly enjoyed himself thoroughly.

We were supposed to pick up our new van today at 10:30, but it got postponed until tomorrow because a new circuit board did not make it in time in the mail. This actually seems like a good thing because we were really pushing our day to the max to get in all we had to do today. We will be going in tomorrow hopefully to learn all the functions and take the beauty home with us! The Hoopty will have to hold out another day!  It rained last night so we may be sitting in some wet seats, but hey, at least she runs! We laugh that she smells like a boat because of all of the exhaust and burning fuel. The gas mileage is significantly less then 10 miles to the gallon so we don't like to take her too far. We think if we still lived in California we'd be arrested for depleting the ozone layer! We love to make fun of her but we love her just the same!

Please be praying for us in regards to figuring out schedules of who needs to be where and when, that when Ephram makes his arrival we can work it out that Josh can be there, for so many little adjustments that are all together just hard emotionally. Not sleeping in the same bed as your husband and being able to just cuddle and talk grows old quickly. We are hoping to be able to order a bed soon that will accommodate us both but the prices are astronomical.  We are working very hard to rely on God and each other so that we do not become discouraged or start feeling sorry for ourselves. To be completely honest, it's a struggle. When I look at my life and how much it's changed over the last 2 years, I'm amazed that we're still sane- but that is the power of our God! We don't just say that, we believe it 100 % and continue to rely on him for his grace, strength and mercy.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!!!!

-Schedules and transitions for our family

-Emotional stability for us all- extended family too

05-07-07 9:00 a.m.

Sorry about my lack of posting. My life has seemed like endless chaos over the last few days and I can't seem to find an extra second to do this. I am starting to think that maybe I should try for the mornings instead of the evenings when things get crazy with getting Josh into bed etc.

Josh has been having a few rough days and it has been very hard around here. His frustration level is very high right now which is a test to me too. He was very upset Saturday night when he knew that Ephram may be coming and he had already been in his chair all day. He has also been having a LOT of trouble staying warm which is a quick drain on his patience. He said that yesterday there was not a moment he was warm all day. He was teeth-chattering cold all day and went to bed with 4 blankets on, the heater on full blast in our room, a wool hat and he was still chattering. This lack of control over his body has seemed to be getting him down more than usual lately. He's been getting down on himself calling himself only a "talking, thinking head" and as a wife, it's very hard to hear. I want to have encouraging words and let him know that he being paralyzed does not make him worthless or just a pain to all involved, but I think he has to figure it out himself. How many times can I tell him that losing him would be sooooo much worse? Sometimes when you're as frustrated as he is right now, words are not the answer.

The van dedication was really neat for us yesterday. As of Wednesday, it will be officially ours. We are going in for a training session with the conversion company to learn how to use all the gadgets, lifts, and all the extra goodies that came along with it. They even had an Alpine DVD player installed for our viewing pleasure! The kids were really excited about that and so was mommy. Anything to keep the kids occupied when I am in charge of all of us in the van. The kids had a blast climbing in and out of the van, checking everything out and sitting in their designated spots!

Today is filled with therapy and doctors appts. for Josh. He is having some problems with the catheter coming out of his stomach so we are heading back to the surgeon to see if this is why he is having chills and retaining water in his feet again. Please be praying for an easy answer for him and that it solves the temperature issues.

Once again, we are praying for complete restoration for Josh's body. We continue to bring this before the Lord daily and know we are learning lessons that we would never know otherwise. We also know we have a platform to talk from that God has made available to us and especially Josh as we walk this road God has before us. Please continue to pray for our attitudes and ability to handle the emotional stress that seems all encompassing at times. Pray that we can continue to rely on our God, who knows this plan he has for us, even when we do not like nor understand it.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-Answers to Josh's temperature issues and swelling

-Emotional stability at this time of struggle

05/05/07 10:00 p.m. Almost midnight

This is Shelly's mom again, writing to all you faithful blogland readers. Shelly is exhausted and uncomfortable tonight and asked me to communicate with you. I hope you don't mind the substitute!

Today was a mix of emotions for all of us in the Buck and Syswerda families. This would have been Ava's second birthday. She would have been walking and talking and for sure been a cute little sweetie by now. How we all miss her!

We celebrated her birthday last night in what is quickly becoming a tradition. We started out at the cemetery, talking and having prayer together as a family near Ava's grave. It may seem morbid or strange to some, but each time we're there, especially when the wind is blowing as it was on the day of her funeral, we're all comforted and feel like she's near. Then the kids all let pink helium balloons go "up to Ava." 

After that it was time to head back to Grandma and Grandpa Syswerda's for cake and candles and happy birthday songs to Ava. Then, the highlight of the evening. If you're a kid, that is. We all headed for Chuckie Cheese. The kids had a great time, and that's what we want Ava's birthday to be for them. A time to remember her with happiness and fun. It seems impossible that Ava would have been two, that she's been gone more than 21 months. We made it through those first terrible days only by God's grace. And little by little we're learning to live in an Ava-less world. 

Tonight Shelly headed to the hospital once again. Lots of pain and pressure. But after walking for an hour nothing much had changed, so they sent her back home. Pray she's getting some good rest! Tomorrow she is 34 weeks and officially permitted to have this little boy who has been trying to make his way out for more than a month now. 

Tomorrow is the van dedication at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church. We'd love to have many of you join us as we celebrate this gift. The dedication service will take place between the regular church services at 10:30 a.m. It's going to be a great  party!

Prayer Requests

Total healing for Josh!

Healthy development and arrival for Ephram

Continued adjustment to Josh and Shelly's new living arrangement

5/3/07 12:45 a.m.

This momma is more than a little tired tonight. We had a very busy day and it started out with some exciting news. Josh's wheelchair was ready! Thank goodness we had no plans set in stone until the afternoon so we headed off to MFB to get fitted for the new chair. It could not have gone more smoothly. We were all very thankful and Josh is very excited to have his own chair - although he would love to not need the chair.

We then headed to my parents house in Allendale and picked up some lunch on the way. It felt like a very normal thing to do. The four of us ate outside in the gorgeous sunshine and enjoyed about an hour of the day that way.

We then headed over to Allendale Middle School where they had raised $2,000 in a penny drive called "Bucks for Bucks". The kids put on the assemble, presented us with a big cardboard check and had made probably around one hundred signs or more that said to nominate Josh for Extreme Makeover. One of the teachers there is an old friend and she videoed it and is sending it to EMHE. We were pretty excited about it all. One of the area newspapers came and Josh had a chance to talk with the kids. When Josh gets a mike in his hand and an open floor, watch out public schools cause Josh is gonna' talk about God whether you like it or not! We felt like it was an amazing way to share about our faith and Josh kept it light. I'm not so sure the superintendent sitting in on the assembly was very comfortable with it, but what are you gonna do? Take the mike away from the guy in the wheelchair that the assembly is centered on? We got a big kick out of it afterward.

We came home, hung out with the kids outside, and just sat around together. One of Noah's teachers came over to watch the kids and Josh and I hit Wal-Mart and On The Border for dinner to practice out his new chair. He realized he is in need of help getting in and out of narrow doorways and often gets himself lodged between the two. We will have to address that in PT later on. :-)

Now we're home and getting ready to go to sleep. The day starts over again in a little less than 7 hours. Hopefully we will only have to get up once to turn during the night. We are watching his skin closely and trying to add time very carefully so we don't worry Josh too much!

All in all, I would say we had a pretty good day. Lots of stuff to keep us busy, but too much for little Ephram's sake. I am thinking about trying to find someone to take Josh to MFB for therapy tomorrow so I can get some rest and keep Ephram on the down low! We still have 2 days until 34 weeks when they will let him come.

One thing to keep in mind, Josh is feeling as though a lot of people are realizing how much time has passed since the accident and thinking that this is it, that healing is probably not going to happen. We do not feel this nor believe this. We are keeping the faith that God is able to heal Josh whenever he chooses. Please do not stop praying fervently for a complete healing. We know our God is able, we just need to keep it in front of him in prayer.  Remember that good ole' verse "ask and you shall receive?" We're still believing that 100%. Much love to you all and nighty -night!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-safety of Ephram until he is ready to come out and meet us

-stability in our home during these times of transitions