4/6/07 11:45 p.m.

Once again, as I sit here, I am about ready to fall asleep. Today was a good day for Josh. He spent a lot of time again, testing out wheelchairs and seeing what feels the best to him. He is pretty sure he is ready to order and wanting the color to be "lollipop blue." This is a shockingly bright blue color that reminds him of his X-Terra he drove while living in San Diego. He's a silly boy!

We had lots of visitors and the kids came home from Indiana with their grandparents. It was so nice to see them and be able to hug all over them. Noah continues to act oblivious to the situation and Zoe notices a lot. Tonight, as I was putting her to bed, she got quite quiet and said "Do you remember when Daddy could walk?" I answered yes, but she had no further comments. It's obvious that she is processing a lot.

I came home to find my house full of new boxes from Two Men and a Truck.  Someone came by and dropped off a ton of boxes to help with packing tomorrow. We were so appreciative. The packing should be interesting. We don't know if 1 person or 10 will show up. It definitely takes some of the moving stress off of my shoulders to know that people are willing to help! Thank you so much!

Today, Josh noticed he is gaining some sensation to temperature on his left thumb area. That would be wonderful to be able to do so he doesn't burn himself when holding a cup of coffee, or to be able to check the temp of the baby bottle on his hand. Little things like that do matter. They give us hope and encouragement for the future.

God put numerous people in our path today that prayed with us and provided some much needed TLC. One of the girls from our first youth group in Indiana called tonight and was so sweet. She prayed with me over the phone and just wanted to see how we were doing. It's so cool to hear from all these people from our past and see where they're at and where God is leading them.

So, all in all, a good day. Please begin to pray that Josh will have enough energy to make it to church on Sunday and that it goes well. PT Kristy will be there to help us if we need her. It never hurts when you're therapist attends the same church as you! Oh the perks. :-)

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING

-Josh's hands

-stability for our family

4/5/07 11:45 p.m.

I'm about ready to fall asleep as I sit here. Today was one of those days that never seem to end. Nothing went particularly good or particularly bad. I just left the hospital and Josh is in some pain and feeling a bit discouraged by it. It makes it hard to leave at the end of the day. The kids are coming home from G & G's tomorrow and we are very excited to see our little munchkins! Sounds like they've been having plenty of fun and not missing us. :-) I'm glad that they can go and be with their grandparents and feel comfortable and mommy doesn't have to worry!

I was very encouraged to see that someone suggested a packing day for Saturday. I have tried so hard to just not get too stressed and know that everything will get done- even if it's at 3 a.m. the night before the move.  Someone put up a suggestion for people to show up this Saturday, anytime between 10 and 4 and help pack some boxes. Great idea and a huge stress relief for me. It is hard sometimes, knowing how much help we need, and wanting to be able to get things done on my own. I have come to the conclusion through this ordeal that it is absolutely impossible!  All of you out there praying, cooking meals, cleaning my nasty bathroom (yuck!), taking such good care of our kids, sending donations and gifts, and praying. Oh, did I say that already? The prayer one is what is getting us through and still feeling slightly sane for some odd reason. Our God is amazing!

Ephram is due to come into this world on June 17. That makes me 29.5 weeks. He is already trying to make himself known and making his mommy very uncomfortable. Josh has decided that I am as big right now with Ephram than I was with the girls the day of delivery! That tells you that my tummy is definitely protruding. Please pray that my comfort level improves so that I can be the wife and mommy I need to be right now. It is very hard to do a lot of the things involving Josh's care when I am so uncomfortable. The doctor did give me medication to stop all the contractions so those are a bit less of an issue. The side effects are not lovely but doable. I only want to be be able to help Josh in any way I can and have enough energy to be with our kids at the end of the day.

This morning was a bit tough for Josh. The GR Press writer doing a story on Josh talked to Josh's doctor which was totally fine. The doctor left little hope that Josh will ever recover. We are aware of the statistics and the fact that he is concerned we are living in denial but we know that is not the issue. We also know that the more the doctor says that healing is out of the question, the more it will show God's power otherwise. We continue to pray for Josh's total healing and pray that the Lord uses this to bring people to him. This is our prayer...

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-movement in Josh's triceps and fingers

-everything with the move to go smoothly and that we can all adjust to our new surroundings with ease

4/4/07 9:00 p.m.

Josh called me this morning before I got to MFB and had been listening to a group called "Jimmy Eat World". Yes, sounds like an odd band, but good music all the same. He used to listen to the music when we lived in Kalamazoo on his way to play basketball at five in the morning. It's funny what music can do to you, brings old feelings back. He was sad and feeling a bit emotional.

During PT, he was trying out a new wheelchair and we had a bit of a mishap. They had changed the wheels on it and apparently one was not in correctly. Josh was wheeling around the gym and it started making this weird clanging noise.  All of a sudden one of the wheels started bending out and one of the girls in the gym made a flying leap for his chair and saved the day! Afterwards, we were all sort of giggling out of nervousness and Josh didn't know until after how close he had come to eating the ground.

I had a chance to use my spa retreat at Design 1. It was magnificent and that is not an exaggeration. For those of you that know me well, you know that I have a tendency to make a fool of myself in situations when I'm trying to act "cool." So, I'm in getting my massage and laying on my back having a most relaxing time when I must have drifted off for a moment. I woke myself up by snorting! I felt like such a fool- all I could do was giggle at myself! My mom met me the last hour and we had pedicures together. It was good mother-daughter bonding time.

Josh is working right now at feeding himself gummy bears. He keeps coming over by me and trying to pick one up. It's working about 50% of the time which is a huge gain from a few weeks ago. Even though progress is slow and hard to see when you're hear so often, it is obvious what gains Josh is making. Today, he was working on sliding around on a mat while sitting up and instead of not being able to move at all without assistance, today he was moving a good inch at a time with no help! He was keeping his balance and moving at the same time. Kristy (PT) calls him a rock star. I think I agree! He continues to get stronger and more able to do things for himself. We put his coat on him yesterday and it only took about 30 seconds. A month ago, it usually took around 4-5 minutes to get it on and situated.  More improvements. They may seem small, but every gain is encouragement to us.

Josh started gaining some more feeling in his lower back today. He was at a movie this evening with some friends and was noticing. He is very encouraged by this. For the past few weeks, there had been little new sensation and the past few days 2 things have come back. We know his spinal cord is still healing, but we give all the glory to God! We know God is able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!! WE HAVE FAITH!!!

-Josh's fingers and triceps

-help in getting the move accomplished over the next week and a half! 

4/3/07 10:45 p.m.

Josh started his day with a field trip to the YMCA to learn how to use the workout machinery.  It was a very successful trip, yet difficult for Josh to deal with. We had registered for the Y just before Christmas and he imagined himself there working out and taking the kids swimming in the pool.  It was hard to see himself in the mirrors in a wheelchair and struggling to lift a small amount of weight. When we left, he was quiet and a bit reserved. It sometimes makes me want to cry for him and I refuse to feel sorry for him. It is hard at times to watch him struggle and not feel sorry for him but pity does not seem appropriate. From the very start Josh stated adamantly that I was not to feel sorry for him. It may seem like an odd thing to talk about, but to us, it's relevant.

Josh had a typical afternoon of OT, PT and recreation rehab. He was working at painting a tray to carry around of his lap to hold things such as food, a remote control or something of the like. We are not sure yet how he is going to control the TV or some of those kinds of things, but we'll see.

We had a visitor tonight from Crossroads Bible Church who was incredible man of God. He prayed with us and was so encouraging.  He reminded us to be waiting in expectation for God to heal Josh. Josh can feel like this non-stop but at times, my faith is definitely challenged. God brought this man to us at a time when we really needed to hear what he had to say.  This church is a place where Josh led worship a few times before the accident and was so impressed with it- how present the spirit was, how open the people were, and how obviously dedicated to God and the church the leaders were. The pastor and a few others will be coming up on Friday to pray with Josh. He is looking forward to it.

I felt pretty discouraged tonight. I had one of those nights where no matter how much I tried to support Josh or try to get one of the million tasks done I felt inadequate. It reminds me that I am not doing this on my own- even 10%. God has given me energy when I didn't think I had an ounce left, he has given me patience when I thought I might pull my hair out in frustration, and he has given me rest when I thought I couldn't go another step. Still, these days come when I feel like a failure and have to remind myself that God is in control of this entire situation and I may as well just let him have it! :-)

The kids went to Indiana to be with their G & G Buck for the next three nights. Zoe was so excited you would have thought someone has fed her sugar pills all day. They had a fun day decorating Easter eggs and playing with their cousins before they took off for Indiana. Josh got a chance to see the kids and they were sweet. Noah was being a bit of a stinker (shocker!) and Josh was able to talk with him "man to man" which is always good for the both of them. I'm sure they are now in their own little heaven hanging out with grandma.

That's all for tonight. Thank you to all of you who are supporting us through this difficult time in our lives. You are appreciated!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING

-finger movement along with more finger sensation

-wisdom and patience in getting everything accomplished for the move!