4/2/07 10:20 p.m.

Well, it's official. We will be moving to a house right off of Leonard and moving day will be Saturday, April 14th.  Josh will be coming home to the new house the following Friday. We are prepping the kids for the move and they seem to be handling it well so far. Zoe wanted to know how we are going to move the kitchen into our new house and offered to carry her sippy cup. I went out with my mom and Zoe tonight and bought some bunk beds for the kids that will be delivered prior to the move.  We saw some friends from Spring Lake Wesleyan Church and met someone who knew of our situation and has been praying for us. It's amazing how God works.

Which brings me to my next bit of news. Spring Lake Wesleyan had an offering for us to raise money for a van last week Sunday. The goal was to raise $60,000. We all thought this sounded like a lofty goal, but I should never doubt the power of prayer, the power of God, or the power of people who have a heart for God. They announced yesterday that the total raised from one day alone was $70,500. We were absolutely amazed and beyond thankful. How do you express to a massive group of people how much you appreciate this? We do not even know most of the people who gave for this. God really used them and for that we can only thank God and the people who put so much work into raising the awareness. We can also thank each and every person who donated- from the kids who raised money by collecting pop cans to the people who gave more than they could afford. Wow!

Another bit of news that we are very excited about: the last few days Josh has been regaining some sensation in the last three fingers on each hand. This would officially mean he is regaining things at the C-7 level of his injury. Kristy (PT) seemed very encouraged by this which in turn encourages us. We are praying that God is bringing back the use of his fingers so that he can play his guitar to worship and increase his level of independence.

We are starting to feel a lot of pressure as heading home looms closer. We are extremely excited and trying hard to not be nervous. Starting next Monday, Josh's adaptive equipment such as lifts and shower chairs will start to be delivered. This also means that money is starting to be spent quickly. We are so thankful and how much God has provided thus far and know that he knows our needs more than even we do. We serve an awesome God!

I wanted to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who sent birthday cards and gifts for my 30th, and all of you who have so faithfully provided for Ephram. What you are all doing is amazing. I would love to take about 5 MONTHS  of writing thank you notes, but I am pleading overexhaustion. Please know how thankful we are and accept my apology that I am not sending out personal thank you's. My plate is obviously quite full and I am trying to be smart about how I spend the extra few minutes I have every day. Know you are appreciated.

Josh had a great day today. He spent over half an hour working at getting a coat on and off. It was not easy to say the least. He needed some assistance but did very well overall. The life skills they are teaching him seem so demoralizing at times, but he is fighting for every ounce of independence he can muster. His teeth have become an extension of his hands as he works to get things on and off. It seems silly to use your teeth to get your arm in your coat but hey, it works!  

Please be praying for us over this next week and a half as we get things ready for the move. Nothing has been started in the area of packing and we have a ton of ground to cover. Pray that God provided the right people to help and the energy to complete the job so Josh does not have to worry.

We have also decided that for the first few months home, we will be hiring nursing care for about 2 hours a morning. During this two hours, he will have help taking a shower, using the bathroom and getting dressed. This is a surprisingly huge job and neither of us feel I am up to the task. After Ephram comes and I am feeling good again, we will hit this journey without extra help. Please pray that God brings the right people to this job, that we can afford it and that it comes together quickly. Josh feels much more comfortable hiring this out that asking friends and family to do this for him. If it makes Josh feel more "human" and  less like a burden to everyone around him, I am willing to make it happen no matter what. He has lost so much already, and I will not all his self-respect to be depleted anymore because of it. He his still the same man inside, the same guy who likes to worship God and hang out with his buddies and he would rather his close friends do not have to help him use the bathroom every morning and things like that. I can respect that and try to make this happen. God has provided thus far, I'm not going to start doubting him now!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-Nursing help and the whole moving situation

-More sensation in his fingers leading to movement of his fingers!

4/1/07 9:00 p.m.

Josh had a good day of tons of exercise. He swears that if anyone wants him to work out arms or shoulders tomorrow, he'll refuse. :-) We'll see about that after his normal therapists are back and he is putty in their hands. He is now not feeling so well and not sure if he pushed himself too hard or if he may have a bug of some sort. Please pray that he feels better tomorrow and ready to hit rehab with the "fierceness of the Greek gods!" (that's Josh's quote from 2.5 months ago.

Today was pretty quiet around MFB. We both took our lovely Sunday afternoon nap. I slept a little more than he did because his muscle spasms were so bad today. He had his medications changed so that it is covered by insurance. The med that he was on for nerve pain (and helps with spasms) is not covered by insurance unless you try this other one first. So right now that is what he is doing. It's hard because this drug also makes him drowsy and he really hates feeling like that.

Josh and I continue to pray and wait for God to heal him. He is getting very tired of this but we keep talking about all that God is teaching him right now that he would not know otherwise. We believe that in God's time, he will be well. Please remember to continually lift Josh up to God and have faith that he will be healed.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!

-Josh's triceps

-Pray for our housing decisions that are to made by 2:00 p.m. tomorrow

3/31/07 10:10 p.m.

In some ways today was great and in other ways it was hard. Josh started out with his typical rehab workouts.  He worked his upper body very hard and is continuing to add weight while his is lifting. That is very encouraging to him. After therapy, we went upstairs for lunch and things went a little sour.  Josh is being encouraged daily by his therapists to work at feeding himself. They also "strongly" encourage me to have him feed himself. Well, after working out for a few hours in the morning, the last thing he wants to do is work at feeding himself for an hour during his short break. To say the least, I was not winning the wife of the year award when I got his feeding utensils out and said something along the lines of not wanting to feed him for the next forty years when he is capable of feeding himself. You think I was insensitive? :-) He was pretty frustrated with me but I didn't know what to do. It seems like it's hard to got your point across sometimes when you're both frustrated. I know how much he is capable of doing if he pushes himself and he knows that also. It's still hard to know that what you're doing is making your husbands life more difficult.

Anyway, he headed back downstairs for more therapy and I went out shopping for some things we are needing before Josh gets home in three weeks. I started out at Bed, Bath and Beyond trying to find those OXO Good Grips with a fork and a spoon in it. This way he will be able to have something less visually obtrusive when he feeds himself. Well, they don't carry them but you can get them online. That was no big deal. I went on to try and find a blanket that is lighter in weight than our down comforter so that he can cover himself up at night. For about 15 minutes I was looking for something and seeing some things that looked like they would work, and realized I was only looking at King sizes and that we will not be sleeping together. I was very discouraged. Sometimes this just hits me in the weirdest ways. So, then I think I need to get maybe something cheap that matches for two twin beds thinking maybe we can push them together but they will not be the same height and the hospital bed Josh is getting is extra long so he needs new sheets too. Then I realize I need a twin size bed to sleep in cause our king size bed will not fit in our bedroom along with his bed and added equipments. This was only the beginning of all my frustrations while I was there. I ended up, sitting on the floor, calling my mom and crying about how frustrated I was. Most of the time I love to shop, but this is not the type of shopping most would consider "fun." 

The house we are probably renting is 3 bedrooms and we figured we would put Noah and Zoe in their own rooms. I then realized that anyone who came to spend the night, either to visit or to help, would have nowhere to sleep. So then I realized we would probably need some bunk beds for the kids. This was something we knew we would eventually get for the boys because they will be sharing a room. We just moved the time frame up a few years! So I went and looked at a bunch of options getting more and more overwhelmed and then just deciding I didn't have the emotional stamina to do it today. So... I left.

I met Josh and his parents out for an early dinner and it was nice. I was much less stressful than the previous few hours. We had nice conversation, good food and we all felt half-way normal. Very nice. Josh was then getting ready to head over to Jay and Holly's to watch the Ohio State game so I decided to head home and do some baby organizing. Marianne, from across the street, came over and we had a nice evening of just chit-chatting while I got some things done. The kids are gone tonight and I have no obligations until tomorrow morning. I already took one bath, maybe I'll take another...

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-Josh's triceps

-housing decisions- total guidance from God

3/29/07 10:10 p.m.

Okay, we're stressed. At least I am and Josh is not making decisions fast enough to suit me. :-) Josh will be discharged from MFB 3 weeks from tomorrow- April 20th. We have made the tentative decision to move into the house off of Leonard and put up removable fencing to keep Noah safe from the road! Josh can access the entire house but the basement and feels encouraged by this.  The thing that is hard is that he doesn't feel we really have any choice because it is the only house in GR for rent with a roll-in shower.  I have been trying to encourage him to make a choice of where to go, but I can only push so hard. I know he is under soooo much stress, especially emotionally and I don't want to add to it. We went to the house today with Josh so that he could see it and get a better feel for what we were talking about. When we were leaving he was very discouraged and depressed. It's hard to see him like that. As a wife, I want to fix it and make everything all right but I can't. Sometimes silent understanding seems to be the best choice I have.

We talked at length with the GR Press again today. An article will run in the newspaper on Easter Sunday. They also took some pictures of Josh in therapy and Josh with the kids. We feel like any awareness that can be raised is a positive thing (as long as they're not saying nasty stuff about us!).  We know God can use this situation for his glory if we allow it.

The kids will be gone more than usual over the next week. They are going to stay with some friends from Kalamazoo for the weekend and then heading to G and G Buck next week for a few days because Noah does not have school. They are both very excited. It will be hard to go a few days without seeing them but we would normally be excited to pawn them off for a few days!

Please be praying for Josh as he begins to see an end in sight to inpatient rehab and what has become his norm. He will have stayed at MFB for nearly 3 months when his stay there is up. We will be having outpatient therapy 3 days a week for quite a while.  That is what insurance is willing to pay for so that is what we are doing.

My trip to the Medicaid office was successful this past Tuesday. Josh's social worker accompanied me and kept me sane while we waited to see someone for over 3 hours! After all was said and done it had been nearly 5 hours but we got initial approval for quite a bit. After our insurance is over, we will all qualify for Medicaid and numerous other programs. We don't want to bleed the system dry but we also want to take advantage of what is available to people in our situation. The man we ended up working with had such a kind heart and was very helpful. Josh's social worker knew all the lingo and knew how to ask for what she thought we needed. I would not have been nearly as successful without her. She has been amazing!

Little Ephram is continuing to make me more and more uncomfortable and making himself known more and more. It feels like he has decided to try and swim out. He must have done a little switcharoo in his position because he is moving around and it's feeling different. It's so fun to feel so much movement and know that he is getting close to arrival. So many changes...wow...

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!!!

-Triceps-this would give Josh so much more freedom!

-wisdom in making decisions