A Sunny Day

It's been a beautiful day here in Grand Rapids. I took the kids to two parks today and they were in heaven. Josh spent the day building a deck off the side of our house to accomodate our new hot tub!!! Yeah!!! I can hardly wait.

Life continues at a strenuous pace yet we continue to take time to grieve. We are finding more time passing without thoughts of Ava. Instead of every 5 minutes it seems to be less often. That leads to some relief and also some guilt. We want to recover but we don't ever want to forget our little girl. I find I miss missing her. Sounds a bit weird but according to many parents who have lost children, it is pretty normal. I continue to be amazed at how God has gotten us through this nightmare. In some ways, it makes God more real because I realize that without him we would be in a completely different place.

Ava's first birthday is coming up on the fifth of May. We want to celebrate her life and make it a celebration that our kids and family look forward to. We plan on going to the cemetary and letting off balloons and then taking all the family to Chuck E. Cheese's. We think every kid loves the place and it is a place Ava would have learned to love. We figure the anniversary of her death can be a bit more reflective and somber. Today, we were at one of the parks and there was a mother there with a little girl who was 3 and a half weeks old. Zoe was intrigued by her and went on to say "We don't have a baby at our house. I want one of those." I wanted to agree with her. We're getting to the point where we know we are not wanting to replace Ava but consider moving forward in the family way. Hmmm...

The kids: Noah is doing great at school. He loves riding the bus and loves playing on the playground. His favorite activity is painting, he often forgets he is not supposed to paint himself or suck on the brushes. He is talking more and more and getting himself into trouble at times which cracks us up. When I think he may be into something he is not supposed to be and I say "Noah what are you doing?" If he is doing something naughty, his answer every time is "Nuffing!" Total giveaway. He's such a doll.

Zoe is keeping us on our toes. She is convinced she is at least 5 and wants to hang with the big kids. She is our little boss and is always trying to even mommy me. Today, I smashed my finger and she says "Oh mommy, I'm sorry. It's okay, let me kiss it." Little honey. She forgets she's not in charge all the time and is not afraid to tell anyone that she thinks she is. Pray for us. :-)

Josh has finally admitted to the fact that he is balding. Yes, it stinks but it's the truth. So, as of almost a month ago, he shaved off his locks of amber. He is now completely bald and looks great. I love it and am so glad he did it. The first few days it was a bit shocking, but now that I'm used to it our lives have gotten so much easier. No longing looks into the mirror wondering if the hairline has receded a bit more and no more expensive hair product to buy!!! Yeah!!!

That's all for now. I know we are not very consistent with the blog but we are going to try a little harder. Thank you to all of you for your love and prayers over the past nine months. Love to you all.
Posted on April 21, 2006 .