7/2/07 11:10 p.m.

Josh and I are sitting in the living room together, watching the Discovery channel, while we are shocking Josh's arms. This is slowly becoming a normal part of our day. Another routine we are doing daily to allow for Josh's body to heal.

The two older kids are staying with G & G Buck for 3 days. Both kids were so excited. Noah was excited to mow grass on Grandpa's tractor and Zoe just wants to be with Grandma every second of the day.  I'm sure they are having fun, staying up late, and eating lots of junk food! :-) That's what grandparents are for, I guess!

Josh had a good day of therapy today. We will not have it on Wednesday because of the 4th of July. I think he will enjoy having a day off. Today, he continued to work on sliding board transfers. He continues to get stronger and more proficient at moving his body in the ways needed. Improvement seems slow on a day to day scale, but when we look at what he was doing a month ago, progress is very obvious (and encouraging)! During OT, he lifted weights and worked on emptying his catheter bag independently. This will allow for him to go to work or be on his own for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. Without emptying his bag, he will become dysreflexic (I hate that word!). This is just one more skill that will allow him more independence. This is only the second time he has attempted this and it went much smoother than last time. Other than one of the straps falling in the toilet, it went off without a hitch! Yes, we threw it in the trash!

We are continuing to have trouble with Josh's power wheelchair being approved by Blue Cross. They have not denied it outright, but they are now telling us we have to buy it outright and they will reimburse us what they will cover. The real issue is the fact that they will not tell us what they will cover until after we purchase the chair. We have no idea what they will cover, and are not encouraged by what we hear from others. Josh will be making a phone call to Blue Cross tomorrow morning so please be in prayer that something happens. We know that God has a plan for this, but it is so frustrating and my patience is being tested to the max!

Josh has gone 2 nights in a row without becoming dysreflexic during the night! We really feel like we have figured out what the problem is and are so thankful! These bits of encouragement make me realize that God cares about the little things- even how much sleep we get! Josh is able to go to sleep and not be uncomfortable, covered in sweat, all night through. What a blessing!

Ephram is starting to sleep better. He gets up every 3 hours to eat but is than going back to sleep quickly. This allows for all of us to get more sleep and mommy to be in a much better mood during the day. :-) This mommy needs lots of sleep! It has been a few nights since he has been up for an extended period during the night. Now that he is sleeping better and Josh's dysreflexia issues seem to be under control, sleeping is much more enjoyable!

That's all the news for today. Please remember to be in prayer tomorrow morning when Josh makes the phone call to Blue Cross! Pray that Josh is put in touch with the right person and we can get the information we need. God is able!

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!

-Blue Cross and Blue Shield - pray that they agree to pay for the flight and inform us of what they will pay for Josh's chair

-emotional stability for our family during this time

6/5/07 11:55 p.m.

I quit.

I'm tired, stressed, everyone needs more than I have to give. A group of people left my house a few minutes ago and left a huge mess. The baby is crying and really doesn't want anything in particular. My back hurts from getting Josh into bed. I'm frustrated at having to problem solve getting the heater close enough to Josh to keep him warm. I'm just frustrated. That's all there is to it.

I was leaving church on Sunday night, struggling to load three kids and too much stuff. I had finally gotten everyone buckled, and was pulling out feeling frustrated at how hard everything is when I saw a girl from church walking across the road with her three kids. Her husband had their youngest child on his shoulders and the older two were walking next to her. She was working hard at carrying her purse. :-) I was jealous. I admit it.

Tonight, a group of girls were talking about all the movies they've rented lately. I haven't been to Blockbuster since the accident. I felt like the odd man out that has nothing in common with the people I'm with. My life is so different than it used to be and today I feel yucky.

So, yes, I'm having one of those "life is too hard" moments. I'm feeling sorry for myself and starting to annoy myself. I try and remind myself that God knows how much I can handle and will give me no more. I need to remind him that I'm not that strong. I'm tired and my fuse is short.

I'm too tired to think of much. One thing to note. Our church is helping to throw a Boogie Skate at Terry Hall skating rink in Grandville. People were talking about it tonight. The skating rink is letting us use it and the entrance fee is a donation. The money will go to us (yaaaay!) to help us out with all our bills. I've not been roller skating in probably 15 years so it should be fun. Even though our church is sponsoring it, I was told to give the info out to blogland that everyone is invited. We would love to see you, meet you, talk to you and watch you show your moves on the roller rink!

I'm too tired. Please pray for my sanity and patience with my family.  Please pray that Ephram starts sleeping better at night. Pray that Josh is able to continue to handle the changes that have taken place in his life. Pray that we know how to be good parents to our kids while we keep throwing all kinds of changes at them.

Much love. Night-night.

6/2/07 10:20 p.m.

Josh has had some pretty decent days over the last few days. He has been busy going to therapy, being ranged, and hanging out with friends. Our house is a crazy house of people always coming and going, random people spending the night and other's on their way out. We also still have a lot of people from church coming and going and babysitters for the two older kids coming and going a few hours a day during the week.  All the help that we get around here is incredible.

Yesterday, Josh headed to the arts festival downtown. For those of you who are not from this area, once a year Grand Rapids sponsors an arts festival that consists of all kinds of music, dancing, art and many others. It is a huge festival and tons of fun. For therapy yesterday, Josh met his therapists downtown to work on getting around in this type of environment. Josh's brother drove Josh in the van and dropped him off a few blocks from where he needed to be be. Josh had to wheel himself 6 blocks and after he arrived, his batteries in his wheels were dead. He was pretty frustrated about this. He talked about how hard it is to be on your own and know that if something happens, no one is right next to him. He also said he feels like people do not respect people in chairs. He has spent the last half of his life towering over people and is now in a very different situation that is difficult to deal with. He struggles to see over the top of counters, looking people in the eye because they are so much taller and many other similar situations.

Today, we walked to the end of our road and took the kids to Sandy's Donut Shop. This is the second time Josh has done this and the kids love it. Josh got stuck on the sidewalks four or five times but didn't seem too frustrated. It's a nice little outing for the kids and something Josh can do with them. We also reap the benefits of the donuts once we arrive. We saw some neighborhood people there and it makes us feel like we're starting to make some connections here in this new west side area.

 The kids are doing well. Zoe has been making some comments about how she likes our old house better and wants to go back. I am a bit concerned about her and her adjustment. I think she is probably just venting, but I want her to be a well adjusted child who is not "damaged" by all the negative things going on around her. Both of our kids have had a lot to deal with in their short lives, and it's sometimes difficult for me to trust God to protect them, their little minds and hearts. One of the women I have met through this situation talks of how her daughter has had some emotional struggles a few years after her husband was injured. Please pray for God to protect our children and to give us the wisdom on how to handle this situation in the best way possible. I do not want our kids to feel like they missed out on something or that they got the short end of the stick in regards to the struggles we have gone through.

Ephram is getting bigger and bigger. He has been decently fussy today for the first time. We hope this is not the start of something! :-) There is always a lot going on around him and we could really use a good baby that sleeps well. The sleeping has gotten a bit better so mommy is feeling a bit better (the nap today was great too!). Zoe continues to dote on her little brother. Yesterday when she woke up, she skipped coming to mommy first and went to see her brother. She kissed all over his little head and made up a little song "I love you little guy." This is her term of endearment that she came up with all on her own. It cracks me up it's so cute!

Josh figured out how to drink a cup of cofee day before yesterday. We were both so excited. I don't like feeding him coffee because I'm always afraid I'll burn him and it's something difficult to drink when you have no control. Anyway, I had poured the coffee in a mug that is significantly smaller on the bottom and it gets wider at the top. After getting his balance centered, he is able to drink the entire cup independently! He had this huge grin on his face like he was so proud of himself. It was cute and I felt so proud of him.

Noah is almost done with school for the year. We are looking forward to having him home for the summer and Zoe having her playmate all day every day. Last year was hard before we got some of his behaviors under control. He is such a hyper little guy, he hits the floor running every morning, yelling and jumping about 2 minutes after getting out of bed. He is quite the little bundle of energy. Since Josh and I decided to put him on medication this past fall, everyone's lives, especially Noah's, is much more enjoyable. We don't worry about him so much and wonder what danger he will find next. Yes, he is still a handful, but he is so fun. He would swing and ride his bike from the second he got out of bed if allowed.

That's all for today. I am heading off to cuddle with my little boy. Much love.

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!

-Prayer for our children and wisdom for us (the parents just trying to do the right thing)

-Emotional stability for Josh

05/30/07 9:00 p.m.

Sorry about the lack of postings as of late. I am trying to figure out where in my day this blogging stuff fits the best. We are glad to be back into a somewhat "normal" routine if that is what you call it. It is absolute insanity to try and keep up with everything that needs to be done. I took Josh to therapy today and it was nice to do something that felt normal. We showed the baby to a bunch of the girls that we got to know quite well while Josh was staying at MFB.  Josh was excited to show off his cute little boy.

Josh had a pretty good day today. He worked a lot on physical strengthening today while in therapy. Kristy has been really happy with how far Josh has come in his balance while sitting upright. He hangs his feet over the side of the mat table and works on sliding his buns across a "slide board". The slide board is a very smooth piece of wood that will hopefully one day allow him to transfer from chair to bed or chair to chair without the use of a lift. Right now, the PT's can help him do a board transfer but that is with Josh doing very little to assist. The PT's just know how to move him and are like Greek gods, they are so strong!

Yesterday was a bit of a harder day. Emotionally speaking, we are dealing with a lot and trying to figure out how to handle it in the best way possible. Josh was asking me if I thought he was okay with things and then said what if I just decide to not be okay with things. What does that look like? He said what if I just start being mean and bitter and getting mad at everyone, etc. Obviously this is not the option he is wanting to explore, he was just wondering what it entails. He asks such hard questions that I have absolutely no answers to and that are hard to hear. He needs to voice these frustrations and I know it is good for him to talk about these things, but it's hard for me to know what to say or how to comfort him.  The only thing I can do is neal next to his wheelchair and lay my head in his neck. This does seem to make us both feel better.

Josh's little brother, Geoffrey, is staying with us this week. They have been talking music all week and watching and listening to videos and music. This is right up Josh's alley. They are going to see a movie in the next few minutes. Josh loves getting out at night like he used to before the accident. I also enjoy a little quiet at night before I turn in. Most nights consist of pretty hard work right up to bedtime so I'm looking forward to a little down time in the next few minutes.

Ephram has slept better the last 2 nights. I don't feel like such a walking zombie when he sleeps a little better- and for that I am thankful. Most feeding sessions are taking around an hour and then he is going back to sleep quickly after he is done. This is much easier than long sessions of awake time during the night. :-) 

We have been getting a ton of help from different people and we are so thankful.  People are bringing food, coming in to help with Noah and Zoe and taking them for an occasional weekend away. More than anything, we continue to hear about how people are praying for us continuously. Thank you to all of you who continue to do this and bring our needs before God. Please continue to pray for Josh's body and that his body is restored 100%. We still believe...

Prayer Requests:

-TOTAL HEALING!

-Emotional stability for our family

-Financial stability as bills are starting to come in