This morning, like most mornings this past 10 months, I am lying in bed on my side trying to be productive for my family and for our ministry.
Just in case some of you don’t know, for the past 10 months I have been dealing with a significant pressure sore that I got the week after I returned home from rehab for double lower leg amputations that were themselves a product of pressure sores that I had dealt with for 9 months.
The location of this pressure sore, for lack of a better term, is located on my upper left butt cheek. It is not terribly large (about the size of a pencil eraser on the outside, and about half of the size of a game board die on the inside), but it has not been healing anymore for the past few months.
Friday I will have surgery on it to clean it up, and to remove any possibility of infection. The resulting wound will be bigger than what I have now. It will be roughly the size of a golf ball, and all the way down to the bone. I will need to be on almost complete bedrest here at home for six weeks, and I will be taking IV anabiotics during that time as well.
After antibiotics and this first six week time span, I will have a second surgery to close the wound up. This will include a skin flap to complete the closure. I will then be inpatient at Blodgett on IV antibiotics for six weeks more of ABSOLUTE bed rest. I will not be allowed to sit up even once.
Then, after the next 12 weeks, I should be healed up and back to my… ahem...normal... up in my chair 16 hours a day family/work/social functioning self.
I am nervous. I’m not afraid of the surgeries… I have confidence that this plan will work. But I am afraid of more pain. I am afraid that during this first six week period I will not be able to sit in my chair for any length of time. I don’t want to be away from family for even MORE time.
My faith in the last 10 months has been unwavering. God has shown himself to me more nearly through this season than he ever has before. This really comes as no surprise. The Psalmist says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
But to be honest, I am tired of being the poster boy for God’s grace. Just saying those words seems so selfish… but I am tired. I’m tired of pain. I’m tired of missing my kids’ events. I’m tired of Shelly having to be strong. I’m tired of the constant doctors appointments.
This 12 week plan should ultimately take care of a lot of these things. But it seems so far away. It is going to entail so much effort and possibly more pain… And I just want to be done… Now.
The point of me writing all of this is to let all of you know what the coming three months looks like for the Buck family, it is so you know how to pray for us, because we desperately need your prayer and support through this time.
Pray for peace for me, Shelly, Noah, Zoë, Ephram and the rest of our families.
Pray that the surgeries will be successful, and that the resulting skin will not be susceptible to further pressure sores.
Pray that my pain will not increase.
Pray that 12 weeks will not seem like 12 months.
But maybe most importantly, pray that my witness remains true and that I am a blessing to all the doctors, nurses, techs, rehab people, and medical professionals that I will encounter in the next 12 weeks.
Thank you so much for your continual love, prayers, and support. The JSBFM community has been so loving towards us, and we pray that the comfort and grace that God continually sheds on us is a testament to His power and is a source of encouragement and comfort to you.
God bless you!!
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
