If you've read our story, read a few of our blogs, you probably already know what our stance is on divorce: Run away from this word, reconcile if at all possible, honor the vows you made before God and your spouse and stay together for better or for worse. Yes, I am well aware there are situations where divorce seems the only answer, the only smart answer, I am not here to agree that point.
I write this to tell you how disappointed I am with our federal and state governments when it comes to marriage and disabilities. When I stood before Josh on the day of our wedding, he stood exactly one foot taller than me, and I promised this big, burly guy I was madly in love with to love him in sickness and in health.
God has tested that vow, many times and yet we stay committed to our marriage.
Which leads to the purpose of this blog.
Because I am Josh's wife, I am not allowed to be paid for any care I provide for him. The state will pay for someone else to come in to our home and help him get up for the day and then pay someone else to put him to bed at night.
Last night, no one showed to put him to bed. Tonight, no one showed until about 30 minutes before the end of the shift and she was very eager to get going home (which means more work for me).
I would be okay with this if the state were willing to compensate me instead (heck, we could really use the money), but alas, we are married, so, no money.
I didn't understand this fully until I was in the Department of Human Services Office and our coordinator asked if we had ever considered getting a divorce. (Us? Consider getting a divorce, with all our history of hard marriage stuff, infidelity, etc. Yes, we had thought about getting a divorce, but that was long in the past.) She went on to explain like it was the most normal thing in the world that we could get divorced on paper, we could still live together, raise our children together, that very little had to change, but that I would be paid as being Josh's sole caretaker and I would also get benefits as a single mom.
I. Was. Disgusted.
It was not remotely enticing and never will be. I take the promise I made to Josh, to honor him, respect him, to love him, to take care of him in sickness and in health, to go where God leads us together, because we entered a covenant relationship, because we promised ourselves to only each other.
I pray that the coordinator at DHS did not just think I was a psycho but could somehow see the heart and passion behind my flaming eyes. I will protect my marriage, the sanctity of it, and if the people at the state or federal government think I'm stupid for not taking advantage of an easy way to make more money-so be it.
I will trust that God's desire is for my marriage vows to stay in tact and that He will bless us more than the government will any day.
I will place my trust in Him, and let the other cards fall where they may.