For many of us mommies and daddies out there, we have lost babies- through miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, and like our family, loss of an infant.
We have found that people have a tendency to diminish our pain, either because it is difficult and awkward to deal with, because they do not understand the pain of losing a child, or just plain ignorance. These are usually people who are not extremely close to us, or did not know our sweet daughter.
We lost our baby girl at 3 months of age. She was my daughter, my child, my flesh and blood, my family. Losing this is losing innocence. This innocence cannot ever be found again. We have found peace, joy, appreciation for the small things in life, but innocence, no.
A few months after Ava's death, one of my aunts was commenting on how few family members we had lost in our family (we come from a large family). She commented on losing her mom and dad, my grandparents, and then said that we had lost no other members. I sat there incredulously. I had just buried my baby girl a short 4 months ago. Ignorance. And ignorance hurts. Just because my Ava had such a short life does not diminish who she is or was as a person. She is a person, no matter how small.
She changed my life, her daddy's life, her grandparents and aunts and uncles life in a swift instant. She continues to change with sister and brothers lives as time moves on. She will always be a part of our family, who we are, and who she has made us. She has made me understand my Heavenly Father's love for me in a way I never would have understood. He loves me unconditionally, no matter my pain, my sin, or the bad choices I make. This little girl, no matter how small, was still a person, is still a person. She continues to shape me, as a mom, as a supporter of others experiencing loss, as a daughter of the King needing saving. HE is good, no matter the pain we experience.