It's finally here!

So, I've been working with Josh on this for a loooong time. This blog has become more of my sounding board than anything he works with, so I didn't like the old domain name.

We have spent the last few months playing around with different looks and this is what we settled on. I'm excited for you to be able to see new pics of the family because I may actually be able to post them. The other site was NOT so user-friendly (at least to someone not too computer savvy).

Back to the usual stuff.

Prayer requests continue with Kate and you can keep checking it at the caringbridge site. This has been so heavy on my heart the last few weeks. People all over the country are praying for Kate and it has been a such a testament of God's faithfulness during suffering. Times are hard for the family right now and we need to be on our knees for them.

I remember the "before and after" mode that was mentioned in the latest update and it made me feel a little sick. I recall looking at the dates in magazines, newspapers, TV, etc. looking at every date before August 1st, 2005; that was the old me. Before.

Then came August 1st and everything after this was the After mode.

I don't quite live like this anymore. It shows me that life goes on. New memories are made and the old ones sweeten with time. I don't think about the horror of that day as much as just about my little girl, Ava, who was only with us for a few short months.

I remember feeling that those feelings of desperation were never going to pass. They did and now I kind of miss them at times. It always makes her seem closer.

After Josh got hurt, I remember thinking our life was never going to be the same. In many ways, it's not. But in most ways, it is. He's still the same guy. I'm still the same girl. We still like each other and drive each other crazy.

After being with Phoenix I was struck with one thing: that watching Josh suffer is not like watching your child suffer. Yes, it was heart-wrenching to watch Josh go through his accident, but there is something about the innocence of a child. Knowing that there is no way to explain to a five year old why they have to go through the suffering you are intentionally putting them through, knowing it's for their good.

Most children trust their parents. Seeing the look in Kate's eyes when she questions Holly was hard for ME to watch, I can't imagine the pain Holly was in. It made me realize that the heartbreak Holly is experiencing is so different when it's your child. I pray that God would sustain Holly and give Kate peace.

One last thing, Noah is back into the testing grind. Still looking for a diagnosis so that he can get the help he needs. He went to two specialists last week and they decided to retest him completely. Looking again at the autism spectrum. At this point, we really don't care what they "label" him, it doesn't change who our sweet little Noah is.

We are talking to the doctor again tomorrow about some specific concerns and the possibility of a metabolic disorder that caused his problems. Not sure who they will send us to next. I know, in comparison to what Holly is going through, this is just small potatoes. But my heart aches for my son. I want him to love life, be accepted by his peers, love the Lord. I have come to realize that so much of my desires for him do not really matter as long as he understands there is a God who died on the cross for him and he chooses to follow him. That's all that really matters.

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Posted on July 12, 2009 .