8/1/07 11:45 p.m.
Today was the 2 year anniversary since Ava went to heaven. The day was very similar to today, here in West Michigan. It was in the low 90's and not a cloud in the sky. I remember sitting on the hill in front of our house on Auburn, with my mom, waiting for the paramedics to give us updates on their attempts at CPR. I remember the sun beating down on us and being aware of the heat but not really feeling it. That day forever changed who I was. I went from being a carefree, innocent mother of three to who I am today. So, who am I? I'm still figuring that one out. I know I am no longer carefree- I spent many nights checking on my three living children, making sure all are breathing. When you find your child like I found Ava, your innocence is forever lost. I miss that innocence but also treasure the changes that have taken place. I now know that no matter how bad things get, I can still rely on God. When things are so bad you don't think you can take another breath, he is often the most real thing you feel. It's when things start to feel a bit more normal that the desperation of needing God seems a bit less poignant. I know that I pray for my kids so much more than I did before we lost Ava. I never felt like I didn't pray for them, I just know how desperately they need it now. I feel honored to be able to go before a God who loves my children more than I and has all of our best interests in mind.
Today was a day of traditions that are just beginning. This being only the second anniversary, we are still trying to feel out what we think is important to do on this day. We went to the cemetery, let off pink balloons, talked about what we remember the most about Ava, and prayed. All of our kids were climbing all over her headstone and posing for pictures. Ephram never made it out of the car, he was taking his afternoon nap. I brought him out to the cemetery a few weeks ago so he has already "met" his sister. We then went out to Grand Haven and sat outside at a local burrito joint and just spent time together. The kids enjoyed running around in the sand and just being together. After this, everyone else went swimming and Josh and I headed off on a walk and got some ice cream. After nearly passing out from heat stroke, we decided to find someplace air conditioned and headed off to see a movie. We had a nice time together and had some time to ourselves to just talk.
Tomorrow is a busy day so need to head off to bed. I did want to mention some close friends of ours who are in desperate need of our prayers. I know how many of you pray for us when you read this so I thought I would put this out into blog land. Tiffany and Jason are in Ohio, adopting a baby who was just born at 24 weeks. You can imagine all the implications of a baby born this early. Isaac continues to fight but they all need prayer. You can visit their blog at email@example.com Hopefully the link works, I've never tried to create one like this before (and I'm not the most computer savvy girl on the planet). Much love to you all.
-TOTAL HEALING!!! GOD IS STILL ABLE
-guidance in regards to moving to a new house
-for God to show us where to go from here, what does he want us to be doing in regards to this ministry we are setting up?