4/3/07 10:45 p.m.
Josh started his day with a field trip to the YMCA to learn how to use the workout machinery. It was a very successful trip, yet difficult for Josh to deal with. We had registered for the Y just before Christmas and he imagined himself there working out and taking the kids swimming in the pool. It was hard to see himself in the mirrors in a wheelchair and struggling to lift a small amount of weight. When we left, he was quiet and a bit reserved. It sometimes makes me want to cry for him and I refuse to feel sorry for him. It is hard at times to watch him struggle and not feel sorry for him but pity does not seem appropriate. From the very start Josh stated adamantly that I was not to feel sorry for him. It may seem like an odd thing to talk about, but to us, it's relevant.
Josh had a typical afternoon of OT, PT and recreation rehab. He was working at painting a tray to carry around of his lap to hold things such as food, a remote control or something of the like. We are not sure yet how he is going to control the TV or some of those kinds of things, but we'll see.
We had a visitor tonight from Crossroads Bible Church who was incredible man of God. He prayed with us and was so encouraging. He reminded us to be waiting in expectation for God to heal Josh. Josh can feel like this non-stop but at times, my faith is definitely challenged. God brought this man to us at a time when we really needed to hear what he had to say. This church is a place where Josh led worship a few times before the accident and was so impressed with it- how present the spirit was, how open the people were, and how obviously dedicated to God and the church the leaders were. The pastor and a few others will be coming up on Friday to pray with Josh. He is looking forward to it.
I felt pretty discouraged tonight. I had one of those nights where no matter how much I tried to support Josh or try to get one of the million tasks done I felt inadequate. It reminds me that I am not doing this on my own- even 10%. God has given me energy when I didn't think I had an ounce left, he has given me patience when I thought I might pull my hair out in frustration, and he has given me rest when I thought I couldn't go another step. Still, these days come when I feel like a failure and have to remind myself that God is in control of this entire situation and I may as well just let him have it! :-)
The kids went to Indiana to be with their G & G Buck for the next three nights. Zoe was so excited you would have thought someone has fed her sugar pills all day. They had a fun day decorating Easter eggs and playing with their cousins before they took off for Indiana. Josh got a chance to see the kids and they were sweet. Noah was being a bit of a stinker (shocker!) and Josh was able to talk with him "man to man" which is always good for the both of them. I'm sure they are now in their own little heaven hanging out with grandma.
That's all for tonight. Thank you to all of you who are supporting us through this difficult time in our lives. You are appreciated!
-finger movement along with more finger sensation
-wisdom and patience in getting everything accomplished for the move!